Baby Dreams

This picture is courtesy of Love Without Boundaries

Wow. The baby dreams are back. I haven't had those for several years, and I'm superstitious enough to think its a good sign. My psyche trying to tell me, that we are finally on the cusp of the elusive state of parenthood.

Years ago, during infertility treatment, the "break" of 2 years after the treatment, and when I first started the domestic adoption route, I used to have this same horrifying dream over and over and over. It went like this:

In my dream, I would be joyous and oh so proud of my new baby, all swaddled in soft blankets and resting in my arms. And the feeling was pure bliss.

Then a nice grandmotherly lady would approach and ask to see my baby, clearly ready to ooh and ahh over my little bundle of joy.

I would then pull back the blanket with a big smile on my face, see the horror on her face and look down to discover that my little baby was actually a puppy dog. Oh, this dream was so real that I would wake up feeling horrified and embarrassed and shocked.

and I had that dream over and over.

Now, lest you think that I'm out to completely depress you today.........Here's the thing.

These new dreams are nothing like those of the past. In my new baby dreams, I am caring for.........Feeding, bathing, cuddling the sweetest dark haired baby girl..........And completely in love.

Its weird, because the feeling of this dream is so wonderful that I try to go right back to sleep to continue it, but there's nothing particularly ethereal or special about the content. Its just me doing ordinary day to day things with this baby,

but then again, I've found that the sweetest things in life often ARE the ordinary things don't you think?

Even in marriage, its not the anniversary dinners or special occasions that stand out in my heart. The moments that are most wonderful to me in my marriage tend to be the most ordinary. Snuggling in bed reading a book, grilling steaks on the patio, dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant........Just everyday life.

Oh, this baby is cuddly, and in my dream, I just inhale her baby scent, and feel like I could float away on the sweetness of it.

Sometimes I think that I will never take even one moment of motherhood for granted. But of course, being human, I know that its easy to forget the longing, once you have the prize, and maybe I'll forget what it was like to want this so much. Maybe In the midst of "terrible twos" or throwing spaghetti, or temper tantrums, I'll forget how much I longed for it all.

but I don't think so.