If you checked my blog earlier today, you might have noticed that I posted the finding ad, but then took it off............and now i'm posting it again. I'm not crazy or normally quite this indecisive, but getting this package was so much more emotional than I had anticipated.
Suddenly, we arent talking about child abandonment in a general way, about the finding of a nameless, faceless, child..........we're talking about MY CHILD. This is my daughter.............and even though I've never held her, and have only a few pictures, I already feel that she's mine. I've memorized the line of her nose, and the curve of her cheek, and my mother heart feels charged with protecting her feelings and privacy.
I ultimately decided to post it because this blog is about the journey of becoming Amelia's mom, and she becoming my daughter. This fateful day in august was where it all began. I have learned so much by reading other blogs, and I want other adoptive parents to know this service is available. Its a piece of the puzzle, and the beginning of our journey to become a family. After this post though, these pictures will go into her life book, and wont be shared outside of this household again, unless SHE decides to share it.
This picture broke my heart.
she looks so innocent and sweet, with no idea that she's been left to fend for herself in an uncertain world. I know all the reasons for abandonment in China, really, I've done lots of reading. But what I didnt count on, was how intensely personal it would feel to contemplate that a woman turned her back and walked away from this baby........my baby. What a mishmash of emotions.........disbelief verging on anger that someone could leave this sweetness in the hands of fate, and an understaffed, underfunded orphanage system, gratitude that the woman who couldnt parent her left her where she could ultimately be parented by me, guilt that I am the grateful recipient of something that began so tragically...........
But then it comes full circle, and I realize that I could puzzle all night over why and how.......but we'll never know.
What I do know, is that this angel cherub has a mommy now.
and we have a treasured daughter
2 comments:
Wow, thanks for sharing.
Oh Cindy, I'm so glad you shared. Must admit that the ad and the number 2080 haunted me all day yesterday. I was speaking to my friends at dinner and still thinking and fretting (sp?)over it. The worst thing for me...these are the lucky 2080. They were left with the promise of their being cared for and loved, not much comfort, but all I could come to.
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