LID Heaven

Friends, Relative, and Fellow Adoption travelers:

We have reached yet another adoption milestone, and it is like honey to a bee. Once your dossier arrives in Beijing, you get confirmation of its arrival, and that is exciting.

Then they take anywhere from 1 to 4 weeks to actually log you in "The Book" where you have an actual date to count from. I knew that ours wouldn't be logged in until September because our paperwork didn't arrive until the 29th of August. So this new Log in Date doesn't really change our schedule or make any significant difference in our plans.

But oh my gosh, does it feel GREAT to have that Log in Date.

9/12/05---the magic number

I'm reading a book called Passage to the Heart, published by Families with Children from China, which is a national education and support group. The book features essays by previous China adopters about a variety of topics, and as you might imagine, many of them focus on; How to survive THE WAIT.

Now, I tell myself everyday that I have waited 9 years for a child, whats 6-8 more months?? This sounds logical...reasonable...And oh so mature. I chide myself for my impatience. I try not to hang on every e-mail, every bit of adoption news, and tell myself to put it on the back burner until spring.

I have found this impossible to do. My heart beats to the rhythm of this adoption, and I find it difficult to care about anything else. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME??????" I ask.

And I found the answer in one of the essays. Like the writer, after years of fertility, miscarriage, and adoption disappointments, I too have exhausted my stores of patience, so that months seem like years, and moments like lifetimes.

I have been GENUINELY happy for my friends as they got pregnant and had babies. I have laughed and cried with friends and family through pregnancies and successful adoptions. I have gone to baby showers, hosted baby showers, and made innumerable visits to maternity wards to share the baby blessings of my fertile friends. I have smiled when I wanted to cry, determined to not rob my friends of one moment of their joy by making them feel bad for me. And I am proud of myself for walking that tight rope, swaying this way and that, losing my balance occasionally, but always managing to put one foot in front of the other with as much grace as I could muster.

But now its finally my turn! And I have a right to be happy, excited, hyper-focused, and utterly obsessed.

I'm going to stop wondering if my baby obsession is normal....I'm going to stop fussing at myself for being so impatient. And somehow, I'm going to survive this wait.

You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees or stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

---Max Ehrmann- Desiderata