Mom and I at the beach--our favorite place to be
My mom has been here this week, and we have been touring apartment complexes near and far. We signed a lease for an apartment yesterday, and she will be moving here in 2 short weeks. It is a bittersweet thing for me—though mostly sweet. I am excited to have her here, because I so miss being able to go to brunch with her on Saturday mornings, to movies, shopping, all that mother/dtr stuff. But I realize that her willingness to move to Atlanta signifies an admission that she needs more support.
I remember a conversation several years ago, in which I asked her to promise me that we wouldn’t play emotional games when the time came…... that she would tell me if she needed me to step in and take a more active role in her life. I have worked in geriatrics for over 10 years, and have had front row exposure to the challenges of aging parents and changing parent/child relationships, and I dreaded the time of indecision…….the hesitation of a daughter wanting to do right by her mother, but unsure of the right time to step in with someone who has been so fiercely independent.
My mother has given me a beautiful gift. She was indeed honest and forthright in admitting that she isn’t managing as well as she used to. Because of that admission, I have permission to take a more active role with the logistics of her life……… and the confidence to do it with conviction.
It is such a difficult thing to see your parents losing small bits of independence, and bits of confidence along with it. I look at her, and see a new vulnerability. And it makes me wish that I could cushion her body and soul with the softest cotton—protecting her from the inevitable blows of aging. It occurs to me, that she has probably wished she could do the same for me all of my life…..and in some ways she has done just that. My fervent wish is that I can be as comforting and sure in my supporting role, as she was in her mothering. I sometimes wonder if I have what it takes, but then I remember, I had a wonderful teacher.
I remember a conversation several years ago, in which I asked her to promise me that we wouldn’t play emotional games when the time came…... that she would tell me if she needed me to step in and take a more active role in her life. I have worked in geriatrics for over 10 years, and have had front row exposure to the challenges of aging parents and changing parent/child relationships, and I dreaded the time of indecision…….the hesitation of a daughter wanting to do right by her mother, but unsure of the right time to step in with someone who has been so fiercely independent.
My mother has given me a beautiful gift. She was indeed honest and forthright in admitting that she isn’t managing as well as she used to. Because of that admission, I have permission to take a more active role with the logistics of her life……… and the confidence to do it with conviction.
It is such a difficult thing to see your parents losing small bits of independence, and bits of confidence along with it. I look at her, and see a new vulnerability. And it makes me wish that I could cushion her body and soul with the softest cotton—protecting her from the inevitable blows of aging. It occurs to me, that she has probably wished she could do the same for me all of my life…..and in some ways she has done just that. My fervent wish is that I can be as comforting and sure in my supporting role, as she was in her mothering. I sometimes wonder if I have what it takes, but then I remember, I had a wonderful teacher.
1 comment:
Cindy,
I'm excited that your mom will be so close to you now. I know how my mom is and how she goes down more every day and it is so hard to watch. In our busy lives sometimes we forget that they need us as much as we need them at times, so do as much with her as possible---that's what I'm doing---because she won't be here forever.
Love you all,
Gina T
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