Babies

babies, babies, babies. My world has been filled with thoughts of babies, and china, and....babies..........Did I say that already? Since I was DTC back in August. And....As if I didn't have enough computer time logged in already, my newest obsession is the waiting child lists and pediatric health resources.

I think it begs the question: Am I focused on the waiting child route purely out of disappointment over the increased wait time in the regular program? Its a fair question, and I've asked it of myself. But the answer is no. I am interested in the waiting child program........Because I am. Its the only explanation I have.

Would it be nice to get a referral in the next few months rather than waiting until (possibly) next fall? Of course it would! I could go tomorrow if they'd let me. But it would be unfair to adopt a child with special needs purely out of impatience. And I'm not THAT impatient......Just ready to love and care for a child that needs me, whether she be on the waiting child list, or the referral that CCAA chooses for me months down the road. I tend to say that I don't believe in destiny, or that there is a single child meant for me and Jimmy.........Yet I have been muttering a silent but constant prayer for several days now.....That when Amelia's eyes look back at us........We'll know its her.

CCAI has the new waiting child list AS WE SPEAK, and are finishing up translations. The calls should start going out mid week. And even though I keep saying that I don't think there is any chance of us being matched this go round---our parameters are narrow and there are others who have been waiting since early fall---still. Whenever I think about it, I get teeny little butterflies.

I cannot imagine how it will feel to get that call--whenever that is. Will I be able to breathe????? Will I sleep between referral and travel????

I want to pray.........Please God.......Let her be on this list.

But instead, I pray, please lead us to the right child.........(or *a* right child?) at the right time....And give us the wisdom to know its right.

Maybe I do believe in the red thread........Or destiny.......Or devine intervention. Frankly, I don't know what I believe about the relationship between God and man.

But I hope I get points for exploring it.

(smile, sigh)